Don't try this at home

I was delighted when my friend Caroline gave me some bee balm (or bergamot for the botanically correct). Not only does it produce a lovely red puff ball of a flower, it's also the plant that gives Earl Grey its distinctive taste. The aromatic leaves release a gentle fragrance when you brush against them, and I will often stand into my garden and just inhale. The term "drink it in" applies here quite accurately.

In a moment of inspiration, no doubt produced by the intoxicating scent of bergamot, I decided to make myself a pot of homemade Earl Grey tea. Clearly, I'm a genius. It's so simple it's brilliant. Just steep some fresh leaves in a pot of top notch black tea. Why hasn't anyone else thought of this? Why haven't I seen this in any of my fancy-schmancy food books? Clearly this will be my claim to fame.

My thought process, and I assure you I had one, was that if mint tea made from dried leaves was okay and mint tea made from fresh leaves was fantastic, then fresh bergamot would be beyond description. And it was.

I've never tasted anything more horrid. You'd be farther ahead boiling the dirt it grows in. Words fail since no one in the history of English speaking society has done anything stupid enough to warrant inventing a new term worthy of describing its "awfulocity".

According to the ingredient list on my package of store bought Earl Grey, the blend contains black tea and OIL of bergamot. Oh. I see the error of my ways. Guess it's time to harvest some more bergamot leaves, get out my garlic press and see if I can redeem myself.